The isolation continues. Walking 5 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! Zero alcohol. A healthy, gluten-free, caffeine-free diet and a 1-hour home workout every day. Lost 20 pounds and gained muscle mass.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am so proud of them that I decided to copy and paste it here. 😁
A somewhat sad effect of the coronavirus is that so many people are working but not necessarily deemed “essential.” They are getting no thank you’s at all. So I’ve decided to dedicate this blog to a small percentage of that group.
We now and forever more will sincerely appreciate doctors, nurses, sanitation people, teachers, EMT workers and other First Responders, cleaners, hospital suppliers (think masks and gloves, for example), delivery people, grocery store workers--among others. But my neighbor is the head of IT for a large company and NO ONE is thanking him. My friend is an Athletic Director and, you got it, zero appreciation being sent his way. A different neighbor is a pilot. Yikes and, yes, he is still flying (albeit practically empty flights). Another friend is a Regional Manager for a large retail chain. Guess what? Still working--planning what discounts to announce online, who to layoff, how to make up the lost revenue, etc.
And what about everyone in the mortgage business? Rates are again so low the floor is next and everyone wants to refi or can finally afford that new house. Here’s my way of saying THANK YOU to all of my mortgage industry comrades. I’m going to publicly shame some of the people my home loans business friends have gotten calls from lately. Yes, of course the names are made up. The stories, however, are not.
Processor: I’m so sorry, Sara, but we have to use your Macy’s bill as a debt.
Sara: I keep telling you! I promise not to use it again until it gets under $10,000 total. That promise should be more than enough for you to ignore it.
Underwriter: Mr Jones, you’re scheduled to close next week and we had to run your credit report again. We see 2 car loans, 3 new credit cards, and a gym membership. The gym isn’t even open right now, so we’re not sure if that one is even accurate.
Mr. Jones: Yes, the interest rates were so low we wanted to take advantage of that and get the cars, credit cards and gym memberships right now. Pretty smart, right?
Loan Officer: Mr. Smith, we’ve gotten documentation that you pay court ordered alimony and child support.
Mr. Smith: Yes, I didn’t want my new wife to find out, so please don’t tell her.
Loan Officer: Mrs. Gorbansky, we need to document the fact that you have at least sufficient funds to close, including your closing costs, down payment etc. But all of the accounts you gave me total $1000. That’s not nearly enough.
Mrs. Gorbansky: The rest of my money is in the Cayman Islands. But that’s not American. I thought you just needed to see American accounts.
Loan Officer:The appraisal came back and there is only 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom and really no place to add another of either in this 1100 square foot property. Mr. and Mrs. Morris and Mr. and Mrs. Johns, you told me you are buying this house together and all four of you will live there together, is that correct?
All 4: Yes, that is correct.
Loan Officer: Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I asked you if you knew your credit score and you told me it was 800. When we pulled it, the score was actually 600. You have a recent foreclosure.
Mrs. Smith: Oh, we didn’t think that counted. After we bought the house, we decided we didn’t like it. The Realtor said we couldn't exchange it for a new one, so we just walked away and found a better one. I saw our credit report the last time and the score was 700 something, so I just rounded up. I think you pulled it wrong.
Processor: I’m sorry Mrs. Murphy, but we called your employer who told us you no longer work at the company. What will you do to generate an income?
Mrs. Murphy: Oh, don’t worry about that. President Trump is sending me a check and raising unemployment. I’ll be fine!
Loan Officer: Ms. James, you want to refinance your home loan in the amount of $300,000. But your house is only worth $150,000, at the most. I’m sorry but that request will not be possible.
Ms. James: But I can afford to make payments on a $300,000 loan, so what does it matter?
😕👎😟💥
Just in case you recognize “a friend” above, please see:
48 Letters Of Explanation Templates (Mortgage, Derogatory Credit…)
How to Write a Letter of Explanation for Credit Problems
Sample Letter of Explanation for Mortgage
And if those are not helpful, let’s regress and review:
Now, if YOU know the ins and outs of the mortgage process and want to experience entertainment like those customers above supply, not to worry. There are loads of job openings in the mortgage business. Check these out, for example.
Want some reviews of a lender before you accept a new job? Go right here to RateZip for those!
As promised last time, remember to smile; you gotta laugh! And on that note, let’s soldier on.
My Self-Isolation Quarantine Diary
Day 1 – I Can Do This!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might not last!
Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who Knew??
Day 4 – 8:00pm. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas.
Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!!
Day 6 – I get to take the Garbage out. I’m So excited, I can’t decide what to wear.
Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!
Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen”. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have No clue how this place is still in business.
Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going Bar hopping.
Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a Spider today. Seems nice. He’s a Web Designer.
Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the h*** do you want now?
Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.
Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals lead the Blue Jays 3–1.
Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395 times this month?
This Pandemic Recession Has Hit Everybody Really Hard.
- My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
- If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
- McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
- Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
- My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
- A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
- A picture is now only worth 200 words.
- The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali Pirates.
